Hi, My name is Camelia. I live in Bucharest, Romania. I am very happy to write you.
Since the beginning of this site: IIPG Queen of Peace, I have eagerly read your Medjugorje-related stories and I felt I have a special affection for you. I felt you are a family and I’d like to be one of its members. I started writing several times but I have never had the courage to go to the end of it.
Finally, I feel now that I have found the strength to tell my story.
I was born in an Orthodox family. My parents did not practice but God gave me a great gift in the person of my aunt Mary, my father’s sister, who was physically handicapped yet a very religious person. Such was her faith that despite her handicap, she was always merry. She guided me during my early childhood and taught me that there is God, above all things and that I cannot do anything without Him. She taught me respect towards my fellow beings and mercy for those in need. I would go each Sunday to the Mass, I used to confess and commune once a year, on Easter, and I was content with that.
Whatever I did, whether I went to the Church or to a party, whether I was traveling or just reading a book, there was always a feeling of emptiness within me. It seemed as if nothing was meaningful, as if my own life was meaningless because in the long run I was doomed to die. And death, or , more precisely, what was to come after death, was something terrifying for me.
I could thus gradually realize that my state consciousness was not that good.
The first turning point in my life came up as I was a twenty-one years-old student. The source of this change was a book , The Romanian Pilgrim, where I found a guide for confession. I read it carefully and I got frightened. I could actually realize for the first time that I was a poor sinner and that all my previous confessions were very far from a real control of my conscience. Three days later I felt like a dead person, weeping over the previous wasted life period. I felt I have too much offended Jesus, though I had been one of those ordinary, good girls at school and at home who would not indulge into distractions. But now, another dimension of sin was at stake.
I went to make my first real confession, broken as it was by sobbing and tears. But even after this confession, that feeling of emptiness was still there, appalling. I could not be happy with the young people of my age because I felt that that was sin and God still frightened me. I had meanwhile become an undesired burden for those around me, especially my family, who said I was “exaggerating”. In this state of utter confusion, shortly after I took my graduation title from the Faculty of Economic Studies. I went to a nunnery, with the intention to dedicate myself to God, influenced as I was by my confessor who had made me believe that that was God’s will and that there is little change otherwise to be saved. Once I got there, a long range of sufferings and tears followed. I felt like in a prison and my suffering was ever greater when I saw how happy the other sister, were in relinquishing the world for Jesus.
I was becoming increasingly aware that I would never be a real nun, so I decided to leave with the blessings of our superior who had meanwhile noticed that I was not good for the nunnery. However, the apprenticeship was useful for I learnt much. I learnt to pray, to be happy with little and to forgive. I also read many books about the saints and above all I learnt to know myself.
However, I continued to be ignorant of God’s love and I was yearning after it.
I was in this unhappy state when, a friend of mine Liana, who had been to Medjugorje, told me about the miracles of our Lady there. Everything seemed rather far-fetched to me and as I was convinced that Truth is only with the Orthodox Church. I could hardly believe that these things happed there in Catholic property. She would often invite me to pray the Rosary but I found every possible pretext to gently refuse her. Actually, I thought that my “orthodox” prayers to Virgin Mary were more than sufficient.
One evening, as I was praying to our Lady before the icons in my room, I felt a voice in my heart saying:
”You have to learn the Rosary”. Then I promised myself to ask my friend Liana to teach me the Rosary. Next, I went downtown by car with a friend of mine and I found myself unconscious in a hospital. My leg and my neck were in gypsum. I had had a very serious accident.
Although I could not remember anything either from my life or from the accident, I could remember precisely Liana’s phone number and asked her as if in a trance to come over and teach me the Rosary. She came and took me to her house (because I am living alone in a flat) and when I got there she put some music from Medjugorje to play while I was weeping. But although I was seriously wounded, I was happy. She would pray the Rosary while I was happy but all tears until I got asleep. Since that moment I started longing for Medjugorje. It was the 1st of December 1997 and the following pilgrimage to Medjugorje was scheduled for December 27th. I was afraid I would not get healthy till then but nothing is impossible to God and so I got to Medjugorje on the 28th of December, where I stayed for six, the most wonderful six days in my life.
When I got off the touring I felt descending in a fairy-tale world. Everything spoke of happiness and love.
Several persons in the group said they smelled holy scents and I was very said because I couldn’t smell anything. During the first night we went up Krijevac. On top of the mountain, as we were standing near the big cross, we saw Our Lady’s crown of stars, shaped of clouds, though it was a dark, starless and moonless night. My soul was full of unspeakable happiness. However, this was only the beginning, for during another night, as I was also on Krijevac, I saw Gospa. A friend of mine had prayed Our Lady to send me a holy gift. The result was that from the foot of the hill I felt very strong scents, like incense and holy unction and my heart was overwhelmed with joy.
Additionally, I felt like flying, as if I would not touch the stones while climbing. About half-way upwards, someone asked the priest accompanying us: ”Do you see what I do, father?” Then I saw Gospa standing right in front of us. The night was remarkably dark and dim and Gospa was astonishingly glowing, dressed in sparking white. She was actually very much like the statue in front of the basilica. I think that the apparition lasted for about two minutes. I do not know what the other experienced but I can tell you that I was overwhelmed with happiness and my only desire was to die on the spot so that Gospa could take me with Her to Heaven. When she vanished, I thought that no effort is too tiresome and all that I have to do in my life was to love Jesus and Mary so as to be with them in Eternity.
When I got back to Bucharest I was another happy, joyful person. I told everybody about the miracles at Medjugorje while giving out small icons and blessings. I felt my fear of God had been cured and that emptiness in my heart had vanished.
The following March, I got back to Medjugorje and the Hill of Apparition and the Blue Cross have meanwhile become me favorite dear, holy places. Medjugorje was still a school for me where I could learn and have my weaknesses cured. It was at Medjugorje that I realized that my capital sin was pride and I asked Our Lady to help me correct myself as I was aware that I could not do it alone. When I left the nunnery I said to myself that I am not allowed to make mistakes any longer and above all I was not to fall in love with someone, which was, of course, utter pride.
On the Hill of Apparition, as I was praying together with a friend, Gospa answered my prayer. I understood that when I got home when I realized that I had fallen in love with that friend who was praying with me on the Hill of Apparition.
It was another opportunity to know myself better and to realize that I am like the others: a weak sinner.
Now, I will be for the ninth time in Medjugorje and I can tell you that it is a place fully blessed by God, a place of love and peace as the Queen of Love and Peace lives Herself there. Now I know that Jesus and Mary are my parents that They love me more than I can love myself and that I have to entrust my whole life to their will.
I am looking forward to seeing you on the Anniversary of the apparitions June, this year.
With love yours,
Camelia